Broken Atlas

I have lost my way; my compass has darkened as self doubt begins to encompass me about, until once more I am thrust through a fine needle point with its inevitable direction to the deepest of south. Lachrymose thoughts seem to linger as a whole only halved by vicious reality…That the burden of impending greatness was a burden within itself and has all but decimated me. Rocks, ash, dust, air, I envy them for their fate is defined, My heart, my soul, my thoughts, my words, were supposed to be the greatest of the divines, to crumble into nothingness, into the man that time as forgot and left behind. Two legs I stood upon with the world at my beck and call; one leg gave out as I began to circum to the mercy of it all…. The rants, the raves, the roars of the crowds awaiting the next time I spoke, only to be petrified…not them but me; for I could not live up to that hope. Now with the world on my shoulders one knee I stand upon I beg for no more…Only for father chronos to laugh as time erodes away; my grasp not far enough; I sink lower…earth on my back face to the floor, faced to adore the marvel of the simplicity of my neighboring dust, live for nothing, be of nothing, I wish this upon me….The dust rises and personifies… And fills laugher within the air... the rocks tremble the ash rises for they all know...with my greatness... I can never. .ever... Be there…

Thought of the week --------------> Obligatory

In opinion, relationships and Roman Catholicism maybe one in the same. For many, they can be categorized into three realms… The first seems like the eternal bliss two people share that is only momentarily interrupted by the affectionate kisses shared. The bliss of being able to get lost in anothers soul by simply looking through their eyes is only outdone by the very thought of the endless possibility… Next is purgatory. Here, moments that have given us that great quintessential feeling, now seem mundane. That spark is not quite out BUT it has dimmed... That perpetual happiness now is being sporadically feed to us via IV. This realm isn’t necessarily bad; there are some good moments when nostalgia hits us. With each sporadic inculcation we are waiting for that next great fix... Unfortunately many enter may the realm so few are able to leave unscathed. They agony we are in is almost too painful to bear… We hope and pray Hades has left the gate unlocked so we may have a chance to live again…breath again…feel again…love again...These realms are most common and well know but there is another that is well known by all BUT its name has been stricken from books and forbid to be uttered…this is Obligatory. Obligatory is the obligation to… Many have fell or been a victim of this realm at one time or another. We feel obligated to stay when we know in our heart of hearts it is time to leave… We feel obligated to do things with this one because we have done it with the past one that was more deserving. We feel obligated to love even though we know that the love that is being share is requited. Of the many thing things that we are obligated to do, think, say, and feel, the worse is our obligation to our obligation. What keeps us there may be the simplest of all answers… No matter how complex the situation of how complex the explanation the one thing that has kept people there for eons and will keep many more there for millennia to come is…US

Doomed love

Down this road before he’s been…only this time he is the passenger along for the ride..

So near to the brink of insanity does he love her, only from afar can he have her…

The closeness they share only comes along once in a lifetime, yet in secrecy only can their love blossom...

Brought together by circumstance and fate a spark began, a flame soon grew, then the wildfire of passion and desire quickly spread…

In their wrongness lives an untested love, a misguided glee, unstable emotions, and an unproven happiness that they revel in…

As he brings her closer and closer to his very soul, they float further and further into the fallacy of their miraged reality

When dawn turns to dusk she returns to him… not him but Him….

Once more she takes a part of him when she leaves, only to return with it so the cycle can begin once more…

Time is of the essence for they know not when it will expire…or do they? Thought her body may belong to another...Her heart belongs to him... As ying and yang eternally dance this sad song is forever played... She is his greatest Pain… and his greatest Joy….

How I ponder...My Death...

Why do I ponder my death...when I have so much life left?

Do I want to die behind enemy LINES for LIES by a country I feel most times isn't MINE? Dodging MINES...while still dodging ignorant MINDS...Spilling  blood for what Uncle Sam says is...MINES?

Do I want to die on the corner for DIMES, while chasing DIMES while dropping some hot RHYMES while fiends feel my hot LINES until I get on and SHINE? Then in my PRIME, they give me rounds of applause and CLAP ME, grassy knoll status I'm face up in all black I'm  unfunnly DAFFY, to be remembered for all times...

Do I want to go out like Che Guevara LIBERATING, while a governments sits DELIBERATING, I pick up my AK and spray rounds of Freedom... EXHILARATING, I see freedom's enemies crumble FASCISM bang bang DEBILITATED until the sniper hits me with the fatal shot and the man above me is DEFIBRILLATING..but to no use. I already gave my heart. So when they crack open my chest its empty. It physically manifested itself for my HEART to thee START....meaning? It was the SPARK.

Do I want to be killed today as a nobody...singular. My thoughts never known perpetually at home. OR ASSASSINATED as a SOMEBODY so when die I had people who felt me....I live on because I got BODIES....So when you think I'm gone?? YOU still have to deal with my CARBON COPIES. They REPLICATE then in turn EMANCIPATE so 1000 years down YOUR lines MY name lives on as...THE GREAT


Why do I ponder about my death when I have so much life left? I came to the conclusion...The more in depth that I go, The more improvement that  I show.....My pen will constantly flow...Beyond the existence of man.. I AM the Pen in GODS RIGHT HAND......

Eternal Teammate

Many feel that your race is over but how wrong they are. As you slumber now peacefully in the physical, you have began the grandest of races. Your spirit sprints eternally to that ever lasting finish line. In your race all who enters is the victory; you cannot lose. Down here we have lost you; but only for a mili-second by time standards unfathomable to us. You are now free; from all the troubles of this world. Roam as far and as free the race will take you. Remember that wherever you are; from the stand we are cheering you on; our loud and boisterous yells scale small in comparison to the THUNDEROUS and MAGNIFICENT trumpets that a waits you at the finish line Yes we are sadden and we will morn you but we know now that nothing will ever hurt you again and that gives us a solemn peace within. We are so foolishly blinded by the combines of earthly thought that we will pray for you. This is customary on earth show how much we cared for a loved one. We will continue to do this…even though it is you who now watches over us and prays for us.  You are now unbound from all material constrains. My teammate, our teammate your memory will live on. Though we haven’t ran together in long time I know that; we will run together again.  On YOUR mark….GET SET…..RUN FREE SPIRIT 

Dedicated to the memory of William Gooch III A.K.A   B.G.

Missed Connections

 One Year later…

I saw you again and my heart flinched but…it wasn’t the same. That sparkle was gone, that feeling lost. For that split second I closed my eyes and imagined not you but an image of you I had created long ago…We locked eyes; you smiled, waved and gracefully sashayed as the summer clouds dance with the pale moonlight. Maybe in another lifetime we may become what I had imagined…maybe not.  What hurts me is not what reality had in store for us, but how the potential of an endless possibility …was never possible.  I still wonder at times..many times, what could have been…these thoughts brought on to a moral man would surely drive him to the brink of insanity but alas mortality as passed me long ago. Eventually we will fade from each others memories like childhood dreams but still while ingrained in me for a while longer I will think not of you in this world but… of us and the possibilities…

One Year Earlier….

I saw you and my heart flinched. Something inside as awakened…  I can smell songs and taste colors I am drunk not with joy but of hope. This maybe what I have been longing for. I close my eyes imagine you, the essence of beauty but it is more than that…I imagine taking you close to me, our bodies one our thoughts singular. My rhythmic heartbeats are music to your ears as you lay in my bosom. I inhale and enjoy the sweetness of our body chemistries. Light headed I am but still I cling tighter, never wanting to let go never wanting to give in to what the future holds for us. To live in the now. As I open my eyes I see the magnificence of you standing before me…I have let my imagination or my emotions rather get the better of me but none the less I  have that feeling once more. Though we are in our infancy states, our maturation will evolve and blossom into this my mind has yet to conjure. Thank you…through you I know what it means to have hope for the future… This is my Christmas, I can hardly wait to unwrap the present and see what the future holds… and our endless possibilities… 

SPECIAL TREAT-------------> Casual Wednesday...goes wrong in the rightest of ways

OK, for those of you that have been following my blog and commenting I just want to say thank you, the life of a writer is a lonely one and anytime someone appreciates your work, it makes it all the more worthwhile. This post is a departure from my regular ones. I had a VERY interesting Wednesday night at this place called La Pomme less than 24 hours ago...I had to share this story...



SOOO.... I was meeting a group of friends on Wednesday at this place called La Pomme in the city for a very casual, very mellow meeting. So you know normal NYC dress code calls for something casual yet comfortable. I donned a button up shit, a blazer, some Levi's jeans and finished the ensemble off with a pair of square toe shoes. I did a once over in the mirror, gave myself the thumbs up, popped a mint, and departed.


So I get  to La Pomme and I realize it's a club. I'm not a club guy anymore, I like to think I've out grown that stage of my life,more of a lounge dude actually but hey when in Rome right? It was cool. I step in and see my friends and I greet them you know the usual "heys" "how ya  doin" "how's life" type banter. I coolly glide to the bar afterwords and order an LIT...I tipped the bartender for making a good STRONG drink. So I'm there just chilling doing a little two step from time to time but not much. I'm putting out the coolness vibe.

So the DJ announces " WE GOT TWO FOR ONE PATRONE SHOTS AT THE BAR!!".....Mellow right? *Charlie Murphy voice* WRONG! WRONG! IF ANYONE knows me they KNOW  Me+Partone= Sophistication goes out the window...ASAP... So I say to myself "Hmm I'll just have one shot" * Charlie Murphy voice* WRONG! WRONG! So I go and get the two for one. I take one and give one to my friend....Bad idea...

So as I continue to sip on my drink I'm feeling a little loose but I'm still playing it cool. I'm like "I'm good right?" Soo I get another two for one. Again me and my friend toast and drink up....Once again BAD IDEA. So I get looser and order another LIT. I'm feeling the vibe of the club...My friends are like "Hey we're leaving" I'm like ok I'll stay for a little while longer you guys take care........

TWO HOURS LATER:
SOOO there was a woman in the club that was 6 feet and 3 inches off the ground..How do I know this? Because she was sitting on shoulders dirty winding on my face....  That's right folks... I picked her up and put her on my face......Doesn't end there. So I go back the bar and for another two for one.. I see a plate of wings..So I slide them to the side.. Just then this black, short evil looking muthaf!$%^ is like "Dog don't touch my wings" So I turn towards him and say "Bruh they was in my way" to which he replies "Dog don't touch my wings" I say to myself...You know what...it's not that serious so I say to him "You got it bruh" I turn around thinking that's the end..

*Charlie Murphy Voice* WRONG! WRONG!  So he says "You big but I'll bang on you  dog"........OOOOOOOOOOOH NO SIR..NO SIR you have ME SOOO THOROUGHLY FUCKED UP AT THIS JUNCTURE OF THE NIGHT...... So I summon my inner ghetto chi and respond " WE CAN GET IT CRACKN N!99@!! YOU GOT ME FU*&%@ED UP CUZ!! Then I hit him with the " Coupe De Grace "I'M FROM BROOKLYN N!99@!!

Timeout :  1. I'm from a middle class family in Miramar, Fl  2. I'm about to kill my fellow brother in the club over chicken...death by stereotype...

Time in: So amongst the lively chaos which is the club, Me and "The Chicken Bastard" are having a stare down. He says to me "I'm from BROOKLYN TOO!" so I one his ass "I'M FROM BROWNSVILLE N!99@!! WE KILL FOR FUN!!! (<----- I'm lying like shit...although I do frequent Brownsville often because I have friends there. I like to think of it as my "adoptive hood")  He comes back with " I'M FROM BROWNSVILLE TOO N!99@  WE CAN GET IT POPPIN"  So once again I up the ante with by saying "I'M FROM THE RIV N!99@"


Timeout:  The "Riv" as I just mentioned above is a notorious housing project in Brownsville which comes complete with your Gangs, Murders, Goons, Jovial Weed and Crack seller, and Urinated in hallways. If you AREN'T from there.... I suggest you go with someone who is.. y or else you will probably "Get got" as they say. Luckily for me, I befriended a very good friend of mine that happens to know ALL the nefarious characters I mentioned above and walks around with a very mean dog (again customary hood ish) SOO when I go there.... I don't die. *Thank you Hope*

Time in: He's like " THE RIV?" You know Malik?" I say "WITH THE DREADS? THAT'S MY MAN!!"(<------ Another lie... See I figure if his name is Malik he must have dreads? Right!)  So we stare a little longer then we both power down. He's like "Oh ok homie...it's all good" I say "Cool". We give each other strong hugs and dap. He tends to his wings. I get my drink. 187 in the club..... Averted.

HOUR LATER:
Remember that blazer and button up I had on earlier? Right neither does my torso. I am now dancing hysterically in the club akin to a college girl on X ( I swag surfed, I duggied, and Robot-ed) with just my wife beater on... I was high off life. So the DJ puts on reggae..... I grabbed the first thing moving and proceeded to make love with her on the dance floor. She didn't know a big guy could get so low.


I'm not really sure she stayed and dance with me so long because she really like it OR because I was draped all over her and she couldn't escape my camel clutch. I tell you what...for those ten songs.....I loved her.

So in my infinite wisdom, I get the presence of mind and put my clothes back on and leave the club. Outside I see a cab and stumble towards it. It stops. I try and grab the door and the cabbie gives me the "Yea fugg right" look through the window. I didn't know screeching tires were so loud. So I'm stumbling in the city ( Not smart) walking to the train when I see an eatery. Only God knows why I scream at the top of my lungs on the corner of 23rd and 6th  "TACOS!!!" I go in an proceed to devour three hard tacos, a pizza and a red plum juice. I get on the train and fall asleep. Luckily I'm the last stop so a city worker woke me up and tells me to "Get up and off". Above ground I see my bus stop. It's now 2 in the am and cold. I go into the store next to it to wait for the bus.....

45 MINUTES

After my 45 minute nap in the store. The attendee wakes me up and tell me my bus is outside....It wasn't. So it finally comes and I get  on. I now have the case of the hiccups. So I get of at my stop still hiccuping and say "fuck it"......That's right I made myself throw up so I could stop hiccuping. It worked. I stumble inside my home and go to sleep

People when meeting friends for a casual get together I have a couple rules..

1. Make sure the place is a lounge NOT a club
2. Make sure they won't have Patrone specials that night.
3. If you leave, make sure you take your secretly ignorant friend too OR make sure you leave someone with him/her.



This was my story. Thank you for reading.