Random Ramblings Vol 1. To Compare and Contrast....

Soooo I'm going to take a departure from my normal writings on this blog for a while and speak in the first person narrative for a couple entries. So I'm up late ( or early as I usually am) and for shits and giggles (translation= bored), I decided to browse craigslist and a couple dating sites for the sure fuck of it all....

You know....my underlying thought during my ocular excavation is "Hmm.....these people sure do have life SOOOOO thoroughly fucked up". This is what I mean by that... Remember when we use to spend our days finger painting, playing duck duck goose and, sipping Motts apple from the small juice boxes? A.K.A Kindergarten? Remember that? Right during that illustrious time in our lives, we learned a VITAL....VITAL lesson..No not lesson we learned a SKILL that... I fear some people have abandoned in these modern times.. The skill to *drum roll* Compare and Contrast...knowing that while something maybe SIMILAR to something else.... we KNEW to never... in the history of NEVER, to EVER say it was the SAME thing... Like sure a Square, a Rectangle, and a Trapezoid ( go ahead...google it) are similar SUUUURE shit, they're in the same family but you don't hear the Square going around telling people its a Rectangle do you? Nah...



What the fuck is he talking about? This.....LADIES....*deep sigh* C'mon.... Coooooooooomon..... Level with me.... Keep it funky. If you're fat.... F-A-T.. fat...then fuck it! You're fat man. It's cool. No really it is...Do not.... I repeat.. DO NOT... say that you're "Thick"....."Curvy" ....."Voluptuous".. or whatever cockamamy adjective you've concocted in you mind to let US the reader know that you are one thing when CLEARLY....you aren't.

Now before I get a customary call, text, or smoke signal, or stark raving stampede from Hamburglar Bitches United, condemning me on my comments about "Big women" please refrain. I am not here to bash fat women... Not at ALL... I went to college so OF COURSE I've operated heavy machinery before...GRANTED  I MAY HAVE been heavily inebriated ( that's my story and I'm sticking to it) but that's either here nor there....Actually it's kinda like a right of passage....of sorts. Anyway So no I am not fat women bashing ( sober)....really. ALL I'm saying is....Don't sell me a dream that can end up as a nightmare.... If you REALLY want a guy to dig you.....be real with him. Oh yea.... and stop with the "3 years ago pic"...that ain't cute either toots.

You know what's the warped ass shit I saw on late night infomercial TV I've seen? It's this body sleeve thing that morphs your excess " more pushin for the cushion"-ness into a nice shapely form under your clothes...You know what I'm talking about.... As ingenious as it is....it can also get you utterly FUCKED UP. Really though? Soooooooooooooooooooo the day that we decided to have some good ole slap nasty American ass sex.... What the hell are you going to do? You can't body morph your way out of that one can you? You know what I'm going to invent? I'm going to invent this thing where, under my clothes it makes my penis look 5 inches bigger AND girthier then what it really is....Then when we have sex SURPRISE!!! I'm going to whip out my ole small ass play school shrimp dick.......  Would you like that? Oooh No?  * BBM sad face* followed by *Another deep sigh*



 Yes.... I have been bamboozled before on this NYC dating scene.... Let me tell you....not a cool thing. What it boils down to is this, if you aren't comfortable with yourself WITHOUT using DECEPTIVE or MISLEADING tactics....When do you honestly think other people will be comfortable with you? Of all the lies told on this earth... The saddest lie...it the lie you tell yourself....Keep it funky people....



This is only the beginning... I am an equal opportunity opinion giver....with a bastardized twisted. Using my inalienable right to freedom of speech.

Next time: Phonics.... That's FF-ON-EX  and how I WISH they still taught that shit in school....