SPECIAL TREAT-------------> Casual Wednesday...goes wrong in the rightest of ways

OK, for those of you that have been following my blog and commenting I just want to say thank you, the life of a writer is a lonely one and anytime someone appreciates your work, it makes it all the more worthwhile. This post is a departure from my regular ones. I had a VERY interesting Wednesday night at this place called La Pomme less than 24 hours ago...I had to share this story...



SOOO.... I was meeting a group of friends on Wednesday at this place called La Pomme in the city for a very casual, very mellow meeting. So you know normal NYC dress code calls for something casual yet comfortable. I donned a button up shit, a blazer, some Levi's jeans and finished the ensemble off with a pair of square toe shoes. I did a once over in the mirror, gave myself the thumbs up, popped a mint, and departed.


So I get  to La Pomme and I realize it's a club. I'm not a club guy anymore, I like to think I've out grown that stage of my life,more of a lounge dude actually but hey when in Rome right? It was cool. I step in and see my friends and I greet them you know the usual "heys" "how ya  doin" "how's life" type banter. I coolly glide to the bar afterwords and order an LIT...I tipped the bartender for making a good STRONG drink. So I'm there just chilling doing a little two step from time to time but not much. I'm putting out the coolness vibe.

So the DJ announces " WE GOT TWO FOR ONE PATRONE SHOTS AT THE BAR!!".....Mellow right? *Charlie Murphy voice* WRONG! WRONG! IF ANYONE knows me they KNOW  Me+Partone= Sophistication goes out the window...ASAP... So I say to myself "Hmm I'll just have one shot" * Charlie Murphy voice* WRONG! WRONG! So I go and get the two for one. I take one and give one to my friend....Bad idea...

So as I continue to sip on my drink I'm feeling a little loose but I'm still playing it cool. I'm like "I'm good right?" Soo I get another two for one. Again me and my friend toast and drink up....Once again BAD IDEA. So I get looser and order another LIT. I'm feeling the vibe of the club...My friends are like "Hey we're leaving" I'm like ok I'll stay for a little while longer you guys take care........

TWO HOURS LATER:
SOOO there was a woman in the club that was 6 feet and 3 inches off the ground..How do I know this? Because she was sitting on shoulders dirty winding on my face....  That's right folks... I picked her up and put her on my face......Doesn't end there. So I go back the bar and for another two for one.. I see a plate of wings..So I slide them to the side.. Just then this black, short evil looking muthaf!$%^ is like "Dog don't touch my wings" So I turn towards him and say "Bruh they was in my way" to which he replies "Dog don't touch my wings" I say to myself...You know what...it's not that serious so I say to him "You got it bruh" I turn around thinking that's the end..

*Charlie Murphy Voice* WRONG! WRONG!  So he says "You big but I'll bang on you  dog"........OOOOOOOOOOOH NO SIR..NO SIR you have ME SOOO THOROUGHLY FUCKED UP AT THIS JUNCTURE OF THE NIGHT...... So I summon my inner ghetto chi and respond " WE CAN GET IT CRACKN N!99@!! YOU GOT ME FU*&%@ED UP CUZ!! Then I hit him with the " Coupe De Grace "I'M FROM BROOKLYN N!99@!!

Timeout :  1. I'm from a middle class family in Miramar, Fl  2. I'm about to kill my fellow brother in the club over chicken...death by stereotype...

Time in: So amongst the lively chaos which is the club, Me and "The Chicken Bastard" are having a stare down. He says to me "I'm from BROOKLYN TOO!" so I one his ass "I'M FROM BROWNSVILLE N!99@!! WE KILL FOR FUN!!! (<----- I'm lying like shit...although I do frequent Brownsville often because I have friends there. I like to think of it as my "adoptive hood")  He comes back with " I'M FROM BROWNSVILLE TOO N!99@  WE CAN GET IT POPPIN"  So once again I up the ante with by saying "I'M FROM THE RIV N!99@"


Timeout:  The "Riv" as I just mentioned above is a notorious housing project in Brownsville which comes complete with your Gangs, Murders, Goons, Jovial Weed and Crack seller, and Urinated in hallways. If you AREN'T from there.... I suggest you go with someone who is.. y or else you will probably "Get got" as they say. Luckily for me, I befriended a very good friend of mine that happens to know ALL the nefarious characters I mentioned above and walks around with a very mean dog (again customary hood ish) SOO when I go there.... I don't die. *Thank you Hope*

Time in: He's like " THE RIV?" You know Malik?" I say "WITH THE DREADS? THAT'S MY MAN!!"(<------ Another lie... See I figure if his name is Malik he must have dreads? Right!)  So we stare a little longer then we both power down. He's like "Oh ok homie...it's all good" I say "Cool". We give each other strong hugs and dap. He tends to his wings. I get my drink. 187 in the club..... Averted.

HOUR LATER:
Remember that blazer and button up I had on earlier? Right neither does my torso. I am now dancing hysterically in the club akin to a college girl on X ( I swag surfed, I duggied, and Robot-ed) with just my wife beater on... I was high off life. So the DJ puts on reggae..... I grabbed the first thing moving and proceeded to make love with her on the dance floor. She didn't know a big guy could get so low.


I'm not really sure she stayed and dance with me so long because she really like it OR because I was draped all over her and she couldn't escape my camel clutch. I tell you what...for those ten songs.....I loved her.

So in my infinite wisdom, I get the presence of mind and put my clothes back on and leave the club. Outside I see a cab and stumble towards it. It stops. I try and grab the door and the cabbie gives me the "Yea fugg right" look through the window. I didn't know screeching tires were so loud. So I'm stumbling in the city ( Not smart) walking to the train when I see an eatery. Only God knows why I scream at the top of my lungs on the corner of 23rd and 6th  "TACOS!!!" I go in an proceed to devour three hard tacos, a pizza and a red plum juice. I get on the train and fall asleep. Luckily I'm the last stop so a city worker woke me up and tells me to "Get up and off". Above ground I see my bus stop. It's now 2 in the am and cold. I go into the store next to it to wait for the bus.....

45 MINUTES

After my 45 minute nap in the store. The attendee wakes me up and tell me my bus is outside....It wasn't. So it finally comes and I get  on. I now have the case of the hiccups. So I get of at my stop still hiccuping and say "fuck it"......That's right I made myself throw up so I could stop hiccuping. It worked. I stumble inside my home and go to sleep

People when meeting friends for a casual get together I have a couple rules..

1. Make sure the place is a lounge NOT a club
2. Make sure they won't have Patrone specials that night.
3. If you leave, make sure you take your secretly ignorant friend too OR make sure you leave someone with him/her.



This was my story. Thank you for reading.